It's about time...

Don't worry about your life...

2008-07-17T20:39:00.004-04:00

well another one day trip to cleveland has come and gone. it's an annual trip i take to get checked out by some world renown doctors. the care at the clinic is second to none, that's why we go out there. however every time the yearly trip approaches i think i begin to worry. it doesn't really feel like a conscious worry either. more like some extra weight i am carrying on my back, or a hazy cloud blurring my vision. hard to explain i guess. there is a definite nervous anticipation though. cleveland is a place that haunts me in my dreams, and while i am awake. some of the worst days i have ever lived, i lived there. some of the worst news i ever heard, i heard there. the place truly frightens me.
Yet each year it somehow renews me. it somehow strengthens me. it forces me to wait. it forces me to trust. it forces humility. it forces me not to worry about the things i can't control. not to worry about my life. cleveland has created a dependence i never thought i would have. for that i am grateful.

in another news i reached a small personal milestone today. a project i have written a song for has been released. my first song on a project ever!! it's the first of many i hope! the project is called "storyteller" and the song i wrote is called "lesser if life." you can check it out here.

The Cure For Pain...

2008-05-27T17:34:00.003-04:00

if you haven't figured it out yet, all of my post titles are songs or lyrics from songs i am listening too. please feel free to comment on who the artist is. one of my most favorite games to play is "name that tune, or artist." my dad and i used to play this all the time. he is an encyclopedia for classic rock. when we listen to the radio together he usually can't miss.

i have been inspired alot lately by folk rock. i know what people think, it can be too chill at times and can all blend together melodically or musically speaking. however what inspires me about folk rock is the storytelling. folk writers are great storytellers. they tell their own stories. they tell other peoples stories. they tell their stories through other peoples eyes. its beautiful. its inspiring. its inspiring because i have a story to tell. we all have stories to tell. and i have struggled for a long time with how to tell mine. struggled with what to do with my story. wondered if other people want to hear it. i have spent alot of time trying to write about other things. maybe to unintentionally to ignore my life. maybe to ignore what i have been through. maybe at times we try to forget our experiences. but i realized that it is our experiences and stories that bring us together. so i am trying to remember mine. trying to get mine down and captured. its not super glamorous. and it won't be a "made for tv movie" someday. but its my story, and it's worth telling. and so is yours.

so it's kind of my cure for pain. actually i dont know if there is a cure for pain. so its more like my therapy for pain. pain therapy. sounds like a good song name.
i may try and post some of these writings. we'll see...

Searching for a place of my own...

2008-05-19T18:58:00.002-04:00

I'm sure someone will make the comment so I will make it for all of us "Yes i have finally posted again." I think it has been about a year. quite a long time i know. as i am writing i have chicken on the grill and green beans and potatoes warming. thats right i cook! anyway just wanted to drop a quick post. there will be more to come. at some point...

Coming home...

2007-06-15T11:10:00.000-04:00

so it's been a while since my last post. alot has happened, to much to talk about. Here are some noteworthy things:

-an incredible vacation to florida with my beautiful wife
-taught in both Sr. High and Middle school gatherings
-productive song writing
-my taylor got professionally worked on
-the yankees are in a 9 game winning streak

I have also come to the realization that I go in spurts with my blog, and I'm ok with that. for a while I felt bad about this, I felt pressured. people would say "you have a blog, you have to write in it". I will write...I will always write. Just not always in my blog. My blog writing may go in spurts!

Boston...

2007-04-03T20:00:00.000-04:00

i think i must have one of the best neighbors a guy could have. his name is jeff. he is a single dad who lives next door with his son james. here are a couple of things about jeff:

-he grew up in the south
-he spent alot of time in the military
-he owns is own flooring business
-he loves movies and mac computers and guitars
-he is a champion BBQ griller

the last one is no joke. the dude has some of the baddest grills you'll ever see. he's got a huge smoker that is custom made to hitch to the back of his truck so he can travel all over the country with it. and he does travel all over the country with it. he takes his grilling recipes and techniques to competitions all over the place carving out entire weekends to cook and compete. you know what the best part is? the best part is that while he is practicing his new recipes at home...he generously shares them with me!!
You see jeff gives generously because in his words "thats how it's supposed to be." jeff cares about being a good neighbor. he has said to me many times "if you ever need anything....i'm here." he once threw a neighborhood party so all the neighbors could get to know each other and have fun together because in his words "thats what it is supposed to be like." he once helped raise over twelve thousand dollars so his friends son could receive cancer treatment because in his words "he's a good kid and that's what we do for each other." you see jeff gets things. he gets things i dont even get. like there is a better way to live in community than our normal ways of isolation. that instead of going home and locking the door we are supposed to be there for each other. that you should love your neighbor as yourself and the best way to show that kind of love is through your how you live and what you do. and when a neighbor is in need, you help.
i learn alot from jeff. i learn so much more than the latest grilling techniques..... or where the competition is this weekend. i learn how to be a good neighbor.

while you may be shocked a little by the title, on some level i am glad that boston is back, because that means baseball as a whole is back, and of course that the greatest team ever is back. although i think i am even more glad that spring is back. i love spring....warm days with no humidity....rebirth of nature....and baseball. what could be better?

Don't Panic...

2007-03-28T23:33:00.000-04:00

this post is for my friend sean. McD you are the only one who may actually read my blog and for that I am grateful. this one goes out to you. just giving you a little blog love!

p.s. keep growing the long hair dude...it's very rock and roll. Stay Strong!! also notice the coldplay title. One of their more underrated songs i think.

Hello, Goodbye...

2007-03-26T22:03:00.000-04:00

i am wanting to be more faithful with my blog and because of that i feel all this pressure to post, even though i really dont have anything to post about. so i dont really know what is going to happen next...but i'll keep writing for a little.

-i feel like the weather is just toying with me lately. we'll have a really beautiful day followed by several days that make me want to never wake up. please make up your mind. actually let me make up your mind. it's time for spring. the winter has been too long in more ways than one.

-the Beatles have to be the greatest rock band of all time. no i am not saying the Beatles are my favorite band of all time, but their songwriting is timeless. something i hope mine is someday (hey we all can dream!!)

-i have the greatest wife in the world...no more comments necessary.

-i cant wait for baseball season to start, even though i am thoroughly intrigued right now by march madness. however soon...very soon the yankees will begin their 27th title run!!!

-although we in no way promote violence (nor do we wish people physical harm) my friends and i sometimes play a game called "if you had to punch..." we then proceed to name two people that we dont necessarily dislike, but just feel it would be invigorating to punch. we also may pick two people that it may be incredibly mean to punch and then yell at each other for being mean enough to say that you would actually punch them. but that is the fun of the game because you dont have an option, you have to punch one. so my question to you is if you had to punch bill gates or steve jobs who would you punch??
*please also feel free to leave a comment with your own "if you had to punch" scenario

awakening...

2007-03-24T19:15:00.000-04:00

so it's been a while. and you know it's been a while when you log in and they ask you to recreate your account...yeah. alot has happened physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. too much to write in a post. too much to write in a book. sometimes i think too much to have in a lifetime. some days i feel i have already lived three full lives. its weird but you know what i mean. i think we all have experienced seasons that have made us feel that way.
anyway.... this weekend missy and i were apart of the lcbc youth staff retreat. we had the cool opportunity and privilege to be guided through the weekend by steve argue, a great youth ministry thinker and visionary. he lead us through exercises and discussions on what it means to live out imago dei personally and in community. in light of my first paragraph and the lifetimes i have lead, it was great for me to re-examine imago dei and how God has not only created me uniquely, but maybe more so has allowed me to go through very unique experiences that make me who I am, who He created me to be. it was something i really had not thought about in a long time. it was fascinating then to then connect my individuality to community, and to how i do ministry. it was encouraging in many ways to see my individuality, which too often i look at in a bad way, and see how God can and is using it for good. it was so good for me to realize that God is making all things new, even in me. even in all the bad that i have been through. and that i really am His new creation!

Warning
my apologies if any of this was scattered. i am writing this with many interruptions due to a house full of giggling and crazy seventh grade girls. missy's small group is over. it's a slumber party!!!

revelations...

2006-10-16T13:19:00.000-04:00

so i never realized how many people read my blog! this post is for you guys. it was an incredibly exciting/exhausting weekend. i had the awesome opportunity, along with some of my close friends, to be apart of a local student ministry conference. it was a blast. there is nothing more exciting than when students begin to realize that they can be responsible for bringing the kingdom of God to earth, that the best way to spread God's love is to show God's love. Needless to say the weekend had some really, really cool moments (including an annual trip to Mosby's), which lead to some really, really cool times of worship. can't wait to hear the cd. i really believe that this conference could be more that just a yearly event, but could become a large movement of God across our county and even central PA. it is cool to hear stories of how it has affected so many different ministries already.

Listening To:
"Revelations" Audioslave, "Mighty to Save" Hillsong and "Turn Around" Jonny Lang. All very different from each other, but all great albums...go buy them now.

Watching:
"Prison Break"- season one was great. good story and good (but not too much) character development. the jury s till out on season two.
"Band of Brothers"-- thanks to sims. so far so good but i have only seen one episode. i will have more of an opinion as i watch more.

Nothing in my way...

2006-08-16T12:32:00.000-04:00

so too much has happened since my last post to explain. i am not even going to try. it has been a wild, crazy and really stinking hot summer! but when are summers not all of those things? anyway, i went to philly yesterday (for the second time in the past three weeks). I ate a cheese steak at Jim's on south and was let down. Philly cheese steaks may be hyped more than any other food. Don't get me wrong it was still good, but not like it could have been. the real reason i was in philly was to get my ears molded by a industry famous audiologist (who has worked with the likes of nsync, ben harper, gwen stefani, janet and a bunch of bands on this years warp tour). she was very nice and shot a bunch of putty like stuff in my ears to make impressions for custom monitors. needless to say it was a weird sensation. it kinda looked and felt like she had a cake decorator and shot a bunch of icing into my ear. sorta freaked me out, but worth it to soon be hearing better and protecting my ears!!

Movies I've seen:
V for Vendetta: awesome. quite possibly the best movie i have seen all year. i ate an egg in a basket for three straight days after seeing it.

Listening to:
Keane "under the iron sea." good stuff. a three man band who go heavy on the loops.

I will never stop chasing...

2006-06-13T20:27:00.000-04:00

alright so i havent posted in a while. my bad. i'll try to keep up a little better. maybe. anyway i had a couple of random things happen to me today that i couldn't pass up the chance to write about. I was on my way to work heading through town and there really wasn't any traffic. so i pulled up to a red light and as i did "smells like teen spirit" came on the radio. this is a pretty rare occurrence so i took the opportunity to rock out in my car, by myself, and play air drums. after nailing a killer air drum fill the light turned green so i began to proceed through the light. just then out of nowhere came this older dude on a motorized scooter. i swear this was straight out of seinfeld. he was crossing the intersection and basically crossed right in front of me. i would have hit him if i didn't stop. he made me wait for him to cross and i watched him the whole way. he was driving that thing one handed, gangsta style, laid back and everything. and as he passed he totally looked at me and just smirked. i had to slap myself to make sure it just happened. i had never seen a motorized scooter on the streets, let alone being ridden like a tricked out bentley. pretty weird.

Movies i've seen:
Momento--saw it for the first time the other weekend and loved it. i know...i should have seen it a long time ago.

Listening to:
the new desperation band album called "who you are." really liking it so far and looking forward to using some of these tunes. definitely like the dude rocking the turn tables.

the walls will fall before we do...

2006-05-24T11:34:00.000-04:00

so my sister graduated a little over a week ago. i was in attendance. graduations are absolutely the most boring things ever. i didn't even want to go to my own. don't get me wrong, it's a major accomplishment, and a proud moment, but still not worth all the boredom. and what's with graduation speakers? how is their speech suppose to be inspiring if everytime you just want them to be finished (and then forget what they say). i say can the whole keynote speaker thing, unless you can get someone worth hearing. other interesting graduation observations: a pastor prayed at the beginning of the ceremony, graduates used their cell phones throughout the whole ceremony (I'm over here mom!), 40 guys named matt graduated, the keynote speaker was late, do we really have to scream after everybody's name? needless to say it was a great day, but i'm glad its over with. hopefully that will be my last graduation for a while. yeah guess who's brother is graduating next week!

Movies i've seen:
Davinci Code- the critics are right, not a great movie, still worth seeing just for the story.
King Kong- not bad, way too long though, it still made me want to see anything Peter Jackson does.

Listening to:
Goo Goo Dolls "Let love in"- good album, a lot softer than their older stuff, John is a great writer

i'm in over my head...

2006-05-06T21:38:00.000-04:00

this past thursday was the national day of prayer. i went to a local park here in lancaster for a community wide gathering. it's not to often that i get to attend a gathering that is multi racial, cross generational and cross denominational. i find that when i am at these types of events i do a lot of observing (probably more observing than engaging). i think it's fascinating to watch the different ways people worship, pray, etc... and then think how they are all pleasing to God. i was most fascinated that night by several children who were sitting nearby. when the music started and the choir began to sing, the children jumped to their feet and began jumping and dancing. they were smiling, laughing and carrying on like kids do. i just watched (not in a weird creepy stalker way, but in a thought provoking way). i was amazed at how they reacted. amazed at how pure, heartfelt, and untamed their actions were. i then wondered if this is what God desires of us when we worship. unashamed, heartfelt response to Him. response to who He is, and what He's done. the children weren't worried about anything else but responding, the best way they knew, to the beat of the music. i desire to respond like that to God. i learned a lot from watching those kids worship.

Movies i have seen lately and my responses:
"Fun with Dick and Jane"- actually a little let down, had some funny moments though, worth watching.
"Everything is illuminated"- great flick, made well, shot well, witty and tells a great story, one of the best i have seen in a while.

Listening To:
"Graham Colton Band"- if you like Tom Petty and Oasis check them out

rockin the suburbs...

2006-04-29T04:10:00.000-04:00

last year at this time i was not in the suburbs. i was in mexico, relaxing on the beach, with perfect weather, and all the food and drink you could want. man i could really go for that right now! who is with me?

Love and Memories...

2006-04-26T12:45:00.000-04:00

monday was my 1 year wedding anniversary. yes that's right people, i have been married for 1 whole year. it's weird to look back on because on one hand it seems to have flown by, but on the other, it has felt like an eternity. i was talking to my friend the other day and he said one of his favorite things about marriage is the history that you create together. i would have to agree and say that it's awesome to take time and remember the history you have made. missy and i definitely have a great deal of history together, especially over this past year. some of it was not so fun to remember, others were more beautiful that we could have ever imagined. it was awesome to remember and to see how far we have come.

my bros were over last night. we chilled and ate it up A&M style. we tried to play a competitive game of tiger woods however, my one friend had other ideas. he decided to download google earth (a program that lets you see almost any coordinates from space ) and then stalked everyone he ever knew via satellite. needless to say to tiger woods game was weak, but we got to see his grandpappy's car from space!!

i downloaded "the fray" yesterday. if you like coldplay and keane check them out. they have a pretty good sound. i haven't heard the whole album yet, but so far so good.

take it all...

2006-04-22T20:26:00.000-04:00

i hate shopping, something about it just wears me out. i went to the mall today with my wife and it actually was much more enjoyable than i thought it would be (we got to eat mexican when we were done). i sat on a bench while she shopped for some clothes. while sitting i began watching one of those walk-by salespersons. you know the ones. they have a little stand and try to get you to buy stuff while you pass (i try not to make eye contact with them). the girl was young and was not having such a great time. she would be real friendly to people and say hi as they passed, and then every so often try to get out her speil to someone. no one accepted to hear more than the first sentence or two and you could tell she was getting frustrated. its like she was trying to smash every good thing about the product into a 10.4 second speech and then sell it to you. it really made me think. i wondered if we as Christians try to condense the God of the universe to a speil or maybe a church service? then do we try to sell it? does that work? i dunno. i do know that the salesperson i was watching got more positive responses when she was smiling and saying "hello" and not trying to sell or push anything at all. was she doing more for that product by saying hi?

by the way, i must admit i am completely sucked into the show "24" right now. Jack Bauer is not only taking over the terrorists, but also most of my evenings.

a year ago right now i was at the rehearsal dinner for my wedding. awesome memories and the best weekend of my life

I'll let Your amazing beauty, cover all of me...

2006-04-20T10:37:00.000-04:00

it's been a beautiful week here. in the 70's, no humidity, just perfect weather. my wife missy said to me the other day how she really likes spring alot more than she used to. i do to. i love the renewing aspects of spring. it's kind of like nature restoring itself after the dead of winter. I think i love spring because it represents something personal for me. it has been a long and hard/deadly winter for missy and i, and we look forward to the full restoration in our own lives. we look forward to the birds singing again and the trees budding as they used to for us. it will happen, but only after we get through the winter. when it does we will appreciate the flowers that come so much more. the way we now appreciate spring.

oh yeah, another reason i love spring, baseball is back! go yanks!!

i got a voicemail the other day. i could instantly tell it was from someone between the ages of 2-4 years old. he was singing a song that i immediately recognized. i recognized it because i had wrote it and recorded it only two weeks before. it was my friends son who had been listening to the recording and the song got stuck in his head. he was walking around the house singing the chorus and they decided to have him call and sing it to me. it was too cool.

when all you've got to keep is strong...

2006-04-19T11:56:00.000-04:00

ok so i haven't exactly been keeping up with this. to be quite honest i haven't even tried. oh well, here's to trying harder. anyway, last night i lead worship for a local young adult gathering, something i haven't done for quite a while. it was a great night. the band was tight, the set was great, but most importantly the group was engaged. it is an incredible time when a unified group of hearts and minds are all praising their God together. it's a time that i have missed for a while. a time i have missed leading people into for a while. its such a beautiful experience to be able to lead/facilitate, and i missed it so much. not so much for my own personal reasons, but more for the responsibility. i took it for granted, now i appreciate it so much more. because it's not about me at all. i'm thankful for second chances.

It's about time...

2006-01-23T18:01:00.000-05:00

Well I guess it's about time I welcome myself to the new millennium and begin blogging. I was determined for a long time to never blog. Yeah i head about it, yeah i've seen it. But it was too trendy and I thought it would pass like the latest craze. To an extent i still believe this to be true, however recently i realized its purpose and significance. Blogging encourages you to write. I need to write. I love to write. But i never write. I get caught up in the day to day or in excess recreation. My head races with thoughts and ideas but i never take time to capture or express them. For me this has gone on too long and hopefully now i can consistently write. Yeah right. In a week I'll have fogotten about this site and i'll be back to stewing in my thoughts.